Market Mad House

In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. Friedrich Nietzsche


Coronavirus Speaks!!

Yes, folks our friends at Lists of Doom got it an exclusive interview with the most famous “person” on Earth: the Coronavirus itself.

Coronavirus recently took time off from a busy day of infecting millions and bringing civilization to its knees to speak to Lists of Doom. The interview was short but horrifying.

Here is our exclusive interview with Coronavirus, or COVID-19.

Lists of Doom: “So how are you doing?”

Coronavirus: “I’m having a lot of fun. I’m everywhere. I’m in every country and state. I even got into Disneyland and Disney World for free. Unfortunately the Mouse shut down the parks before I could infect all the suckers there.”

Lists of Doom: “What part of this pandemic are you most proud of?”

Coronavirus: “Shutting down the Global Economy. Not even the Spanish Flu did that. Nobody’s done that since the Black Death.”

Lists of Doom: “So what is next after wrecking the economy?”

Coronavirus: “Ah it’s pretty hard to to top a global economic shutdown. I’m thinking about killing millions of people. Maybe starting a panic and a few wars.”Lists of Doom: “Wow how are going to do that?”

Coronavirus: “I can’t reveal my secrets. Those pesky epidemiologist guys are real smart and they could stop me if I told you my plans.”

Lists of Doom: “So how long will the pandemic last?”

Coronavirus: “That’s one of those secrets I cannot reveal. However, I can say I’m in it for the long haul. I’m going to be around for awhile.”

Lists of Doom: “What else can you reveal?”

Coronavirus: “Well there are a lot of stupid people out there such as that Jerry Fallwell Jr. idiot. I’m coming for all the morons who don’t self isolate and social distance.”

Lists of Doom: “What can people do to stop you?”

Coronavirus: “Nothing baby, nothing. I’m coming for you and your families, and there’s nothing you do about it. Absolutely nothing. I’m going to infect you and try to kill it’s my job and I’m good at it.”

Lists of Doom: “Why are you doing this?”

Coronavirus: “I’m a virus baby. Infecting and killing people is what I do and it’s fun. I’m having the time of my life.”

Lists of Doom: “Do you have any plans to cash in on this pandemic?”

Coronavirus: “You bet man. My agent is negotiating for a book deal, and a reality TV show as we speak. I’m also negotiating for endorsements and trying to sell the movie rights. Warner Brothers wants Joaquin Phoenix to play me.  Plus, I’m planning a podcast. I’m going to go on all the talk shows and host Saturday Night Live. Can you top that man?”

Lists of Doom: “It sounds like you’re real busy these days so we’ll let you go. Anything to say in conclusion.”

Coronavirus: “Yeah. If you are human I am coming for you. I’m coming for your families, and I’ll keep coming until they create a vaccine for me. Until then I’m part of your life baby, so get used to it. Even after they create a vaccine, I can still kill the idiots who listen to Jenny McCarthy. Coronavirus is here to stay!!”  

Lists of Doom: “Thank You.”

Coronavirus: “You are welcome.”

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