Some Reasons to Learn to Love Global Warming

There is no reason to fear Global Warming or be depressed about it. Here at Lists of Doom we think the Climate Change Apocalypse could be fun and profitable.

In fact, there are many reasons why you need to learn to love Global Warming. Some reasons you need to look forward to the Climate Change Apocalypse include:

  • Rising oceans created by Climate Change’s melting of the ice caps will greatly reduce the price of beach front property. Thus, average people can afford to live at the beach again. However, you will probably need a boat to keep dry and scuba equipment to enjoy your property.
  • The rising oceans will create lots of great new beach front property for you in Florida. For instance, Orlando could have some nice beaches where Disney World used to sit.
  • Hurricanes and wildfires will create many new jobs in emergency services and construction. Firefighters, rescue crew members, pilots, construction workers, disaster recovery specialists, salvage experts, and home builders will find many job opportunities.
  • Smart speculators could make a fortune shorting insurance company stocks as Climate Change drives those corporations into bankruptcy.
  • You could make a killing in Siberian and Alaskan grain futures.
  • Vacationing at the new beach resorts in Iceland and Greenland could be fun.
  • Domestic help will be cheap because of all the Climate Refugees from Florida and Central America.
  • Watching angry mobs burn Climate Change deniers at the stake will be fun. We can’t wait to see how Tucker Carlson and former President Donald J. Trump (R-Florida) try to talk themselves out of that grisly death.
  • Nobody will care when the rising oceans flood Miami, Jacksonville, and Manhattan. However, we will miss Venice, New Orleans, and London.
  • Having polar bears wandering through your neighborhood could be fun.
  • Elon Musk could offer you the opportunity of a lifetime as one of the Mars colonists. At least that way your grandchildren could have a future.
  • All the war, famine, and disease Climate Change causes could solve the overpopulation problem.
  • Climate Change will send the share price of your Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) stock through the roof.

So lighten up folks, the Climate Change Apocalypse could be fun and profitable. Especially for those people smart enough to book passage on Elon Musk’s Mars colony ship.